all we do is think about the feelings that we hide
by potterywheel
Summary: "Well, Ran's always been a girl that girls like," is Sonoko's easy answer. the roadtrip AU no one asked for.


_All we do is think about the feelings that we hide_

AN: title from Drive by Halsey; this is the roadtrip au no one asked for, counter-fic to _'had you on the open road and now we're singing'_.

Disclaimer: id on't own

* * *

There's no helping it. Sera's always been one to sweep unfortunate individuals into her thunderstorms. It's part of her sizzling charm, really, she muses smugly. No one can resist a good mystery. This time, like many other previous ones, it's Ran; Sera tries not to think too hard about the fact that she may have chosen Ran specifically from the crowd in Detective Mouri's office. Nor the fact that she had a truck ready at hand before that day.

Least of all the _easy_ , sly fact that Ran had followed willingly, and had stopped to grab a jacket. Sera tries not to think too hard about that.

But then again, Ran doesn't exactly make for good company, as Sera discovers; Ran had strained to keep her frown from showing at first sight of the weathered truck, and then stayed disapprovingly silent on the ride. Sera's got to give credit to Ran for resisting curiosity despite the clearly unfamiliar landscape blurring past them.

"D'ya want some food?" Sera asks, just as her stomach growls. "We stormed out before we could have dinner."

Ran flinches at the sudden words, and snaps her phone shut. "Ah- I'm alright."

Sera nods. "Okay."

"Are you-?"

"Nah."

They fall back into steady silence, and boredom seeps into the rear view mirror as Sera convinces herself that _it's important to focus on the road when you're driving so you're a good driver_. Her sweat seems to vaporise into the air, bottling and biting and bumping them in all the wrong spots. She balls her hands into fists, tempted to punch through the stiffness of this still inertia.

(They're still moving, they are, because the roads are blurring around them and maybe they don't seem to be _going_ but they are.)

* * *

They've passed by three red cars and two gas stations before Sera pulls over by a curb and cranks the radio to the loudest. Ran doesn't say anything.

Sera struggles to fall asleep – the music is too loud, and it's hard not to check on Ran when she's irritatingly opening and shutting the cover of her phone.

* * *

When Sera dreams, it's a mix of colours and beaches and waves and mysterious tanned legs kicking sand behind them. She's in the midst of pouring sand into the sea (so the sea can turn pink) when she feels the ghost of a kiss on her back, and promptly wakes up.

There's something absurdly loud about the announcer spewing weather forecasts through the radio, so she switches it off. Next to her, Ran makes a tiny sound, and Sera denies the urge to look over. Instead, she squints at the cutting glare of a dusty sunglow, and makes out two road signs: one with a speed limit of sixty, and the other detailing a fast food stop just a few hundred metres ahead. Her stomach grumbles at the stupid mistake of refusing dinner last night, and her truck roars to life with complete compliance.

(Beside her, Ran shifts to her left, but Sera, determined and very hungry, doesn't notice that.)

It's for the sake of _being a good driver_ that Sera doesn't speed past the limit, of course.

* * *

Spitting coke out onto the streets in front of a cute girl sounds like an accomplishment only Masumi Sera's capable of.

Smooth, real smooth.

* * *

Sera steals a bunch of fries from Ran, and it annoys her to see how utterly polite Ran is. "You're really OK with me taking these?"

"It's alright, please go ahead," Ran says, and makes no attempt to guard her fries.

"They are to _die_ for," Sera presses on. "You're supposed to be battling me for them."

Ran laughs, her voice so clear it shines, "You sound like you don't want them."

"I do!" Sera stuffs them into her mouth.

Ran smiles at that. "You're such a kid."

At this, Sera licks her fingers clean of the salt. Her face suddenly feels really hot even though Ran's not looking at her anymore.

* * *

Ran keeps trying to get them to go home. Sera doesn't want to; there's nowhere (for her, but not for Ran) to go, which, in Sera-speak, translates to _everywhere to be._

* * *

"Are you sure you didn't get a charm too?"

"No, I've checked-"

"Dammit. We can't go back and get it, can we?"

Ran considers it for a moment, "No, they probably wouldn't remember us."

"Yeah."

Sera grumbles, and flicks the fox charm, watching it swing back and forth on the rear-view mirror. It takes at least one Okino Yoko song before Ran exclaims, "And of course, I don't really want one, so-"

* * *

It rains on their third morning. The droplets trickle down the windows and tap a harsh rhythm on the roof. It's kind of calming, if they were fully invested in the whole wanderless lust of road trips – but Ran _is_ an unwilling participant (the camo jacket is only a red herring) and Sera is absolutely unaware of this sudden stroke of escapism.

"Y'know, let's play a game," Sera says.

Ran shuts her phone for the twelfth time in the past hour. "A game?"

"Yeah, twenty questions! We'll kill some time, and get to know each other better," Sera can hear herself cringing at the awkward, obtuse suggestion. "There's nothing better to do, right?"

Then again, she hasn't heard Ran call anyone, or seen her text, so maybe Ran's not as opposed to the whole road trip.

"Alright then," Ran says, perking up. "I'll start! Where's your motorcycle?"

"Not here," Sera answers easily, throwing in a smirk for added effect.

Ran pouts, "Not fair!"

Sera shrugs it off, trying to fix her eyes onto the road. "Mine, now. What's your type?"

The question slips off her tongue before she can stop herself. Sera glances over, sees Ran's contemplative face, flashes a smile achingly stiff, and then stares straight ahead at the road. Some part of her is screaming at her own idiocy for bringing the curse of straight girls upon herself.

"Well," Ran says, and Sera feels like banging her head into a wall, "I don't really have a type."

"Eh?"

"I think love only happens when you truly understand a person. It wouldn't be fair to stick someone into a label before you get to know them," Ran reasons seriously, and then bashfully giggles, "that sounded really cheesy, didn't it?"

"No, no, no- not at all." Sera bites down a smile. "Your turn!"

"Well then, what's your type, then?"

Sera chuckles. "You."

It's taking everything in Sera to stay appropriately flirtatious and suave about the entire indirect confession; her fingers are robotically tapping a four-by-four rhythm against the steering wheel, and her thighs are quaking from the sheer effort of keeping her legs straight. The only thing left would be for her jaw to turn sore with that strained smirk.

"No, really!" Ran pushes on, and Sera isn't sure whether to thank the gods that Ran is so blindingly dense.

"Eh, probably someone's who's willing to fight for what they believe in. They'd have to be easy on the eyes too, of course!"

Ran jokingly punches her in the arm, and sends a jolt running through her body.

* * *

Ran yawns, and says, "Maybe we should get some toothbrushes."

For Sera, Christmas may have arrived a few months early.

(Also, Ran hasn't checked her phone for the past few hours.)

* * *

When they check into a shady love motel, Sera blatantly ignores the equally shady grin the receptionist gives them – _ah, we've only got one room left and it's a single… you probably won't mind sharing a bed, would you?_ – and marches Ran into the lift. There's absolutely nothing damning about two friends sharing a bed, and Sera has enough moral courage to hold true to her principles.

(It would be good to know if she had any principles to begin with, of course.)

"This hotel is a little weird, isn't it?" Ran says, twitching at the numbered buttons in the lift.

There's only a Ground Floor, a Floor Two and a Floor Thirteen – all roman numerals painted in black and peeling off. The lift floor has patches of stains and a sticky green surface that screams ominous and unhygienic. Above them, the pink lights flicker, and a no-smoking poster starts to detach from the wall beside Sera.

"Yeah," Sera says lamely.

Ran's head falls on her shoulder, and it's a warm, sort of floral scent. She doesn't think about how they're going to be sharing a room and a bed and this same warmth for the next few hours – some voice in her mind protests, _you're both girls_ _so it's fine_ , but Sera know it is _precisely_ because they're both girls that it won't be.

* * *

Of course, Ran has to start being all polite and offer to take the floor – and that necessarily translates to a very tired, very courteous tug of war.

Sera wins the privilege of sleeping on the floor, and tries her hardest not to blanch.

* * *

There's a scream. And another. And a final one exclaiming the possibility of a murder. With a groan, Sera hauls herself up, propping her head on the bed and glaring blearily at the spot behind Ran's head.

"There's been a murder."

Ran nods, and Sera sighs before getting up and making her way to the crime scene. Some part of her takes her time getting her shoes on, and pushing the door open, waiting for Ran to join her. But then another scream gives her a start, so Sera adjusts her jacket and goes out into war.

(Ran joins her, eventually – thankfully.)

* * *

The deceased looks dauntingly aged, fingers splayed in crooked fashions against the floor. If not for the hollowness of her ceiling-bound eyes and the foam trailing down her crooked lips, one might imagine this as a snapshot of some budget pornography. Beside the body, a bottle of pills and a red plastic cup is neatly arranged, standing upright on the soft duvet; doubtlessly, there'll only be the victim's fingerprints.

By the corner of the room, a fine trail of powder has cordoned off the base of the lamp. Sera takes one sniff and a cautious lick (apparently a deprivation of sleep can do so much to one's inhibitions) – it's… not flour? But it smells like flour. Filing it away for future uses, Sera gets up and wobbles her way to the body again, sniffing twice. The bitterness of almonds immediately overwhelms her, but there's also the same flour-smell around the victim's entire body. And her fingers.

"Cyanide poisoning," Sera says to the three suspects, and an equally bleary Ran. "You've called the police already?"

"Oh! I-" Ran startles and reaches for her pockets before realising her phone isn't there. "I left my phone back in the room."

(Sera can't help being slightly more awake after that.)

"I've already called the police," a sleazy-looking man says. "They're on their way."

"Um, excuse me, but," a meek voice pipes up. "Who are you?"

"I'm Sera Masumi, a detective," Sera says.

"A detective?" a tall woman echoes. "You look a little too young to be one, and besides, according to chapter seven, article 104 of the penal code, a person who damages evidence relating to a criminal case of another person shall be punished by imprisonment with work for not more than 2 years or a fine of not more than 200,000 yen.

"I really don't think you should be touching anything if you're a civilian."

Sera does a double take, and Ran has the tiniest, intoxicated-sounding giggle at her expense.

* * *

When the police inspector arrives, Sera makes quite a case to show how she's thick as thieves (ha) with the police anyway. He's not exactly pleased, but he's intelligent enough to see who's more intelligent in the room, so Sera gets free reign over the crime scene. At some point, the sleazy guy – Nakano Kei – makes an offhanded remark about the disappointing state of Japan's crumbling law enforcement. He's not totally wrong, especially if people are still rooting for Kaito Kid rather than stick to the nation's tradition of conforming to society. But really, that's a social commentary for another day.

The tall lady turns out to be an intern at a law firm, which explains quite a bit. She's also quick-witted and sharp, a feat that seems ten times more impressive considering how it's half an hour to midnight.

"So, Kimura-san, you were-?"

"I was typing out some legal drafts for Akiyama-san's… project. Then, I heard a loud thump, which was not exactly unexpected, considering the state of this place.

"A while later, Inoue-san started shouting for Akiyama-san, so I left my room and saw Inoue-san trying to break down the door. Nakano-san left his room then, and joined us. Inoue-san said he heard someone scream, and thought Akiyama-san might be in trouble. We broke the door down, and- well, you know the rest," Kimura Reina says.

"Is that so," Sera says, struggling to compile the events in her head.

Kimura Reina pauses, and leans forwards, "I did think it strange that Inoue-san heard a scream that none of us did. But, of course, when I'm absorbed in my work, it's not strange if I don't hear a scream or two."

"It's a love motel," Sera says, nodding, before realising she may have insinuated something that was completely unintended by the stern Kimura Reina.

Kimura Reina, however, smiles, and says simply, "You would know."

At that, Sera – unintentionally and yet instinctively – turns to where Ran is. "N-no, we're _not_ -"

"Of course, plausible deniability," Kimura Reina says, and that's that.

Sera is ten times more awake than before, her face flushed with pure indignation – nothing less, nothing _more_.

* * *

There are a few things in her mind as of now:

1\. Inoue Kyouya and Nakano Kei had motives to kill Akiyama Ryoko: ex-lover disputes and half-sibling rivalry respectively;

2\. Kimura Reina and Nakano Kei had the opportunity to kill Akiyama Ryoko – they'd been in her room forty and twenty minutes before the estimated time of murder respectively;

3\. Inoue Kyouya was at the receptionist's the entire time, arguing over something trivial;

4\. Nakano Kei was probably the murderer;

5\. But, dammit Inoue Kyouya is fucking suspicious?;

6\. And Kimura Reina's sly smirk makes her quite a good cast for a murderer;

7\. What's with the flour-powder thing anyway? What about the lamp?;

8\. Ran's found toothpicks and a fishing line?;

9\. Dammit say something Ran's waiting –

10\. oh.

"That's it," Sera says, trying to work out the last bits of her theory.

"What've you got?"

"See, cyanide can't kill instantly. You'd have to get a huge dosage if you wanted to die in a single instance, or a very concentrated one, and they don't sell that in Japan. Controlled drugs. So what? You'd have to do it periodically over an extended period of time. So this is what the murderer did- feed cyanide to Akiyama-san.

"But how? They can't be there with her all the time- there's got to be something she's constantly using, something that she'll take, or use without noticing. So- lip gloss! It's something women use all the time, and most tend to consume some lip gloss accidentally. Akiyama's got some gloss on her lips, too, but there's no lip gloss to be found.

"Which brings forth the question of the fishing line and the toothpick- why are they in the sink? See, this tooth pick is shimmering a little, and it feels gel-ish around the tip. The murderer must have been trying to empty the container and pretend it's for something else. So? They're probably not people who'd own make-up. That cancels Kimura-san out.

"And now, why the fishing line? Perhaps they're hiding the container in the cusp of the case of the fishing line, and if it looks like it's all wound up with fishing line, no one will think there's something hidden within! So once we find who's got the fishing line, they're the murderer.

"I was thinking about the powder around the lamp, and it's probably powdered foundation – Akiyama-san must have left it out, and when the murderer came back to place the cyanide pills and the cup, they found the foundation too. It must be with them too!"

Ran is nodding. "Then it's probably Inoue-san, no?"

"Why?"

"Because… he's her ex-lover, and- well, lip gloss," Ran says awkwardly. "Ah, I'm not making a lot of sense."

"Would you use lip gloss from your ex-lover?" The question is out before Sera can stop herself.

"N- well, I mean, if they bought you something like lip gloss, it's a very intimate thing and when you miss them…" Ran laughs half-heartedly.

"Well, I'm not getting you lip gloss anytime soon!"

* * *

When they get back, Ran calls her 'Sera', and suddenly there isn't so much of an incentive to sleep. She tries savouring the moment, and very carefully-carelessly drapes an arm across Ran's waist. It's cheating, Sera knows, it's cheating but they're also tired and Ran also offered to share the bed.

Out of nowhere, Sera starts picturing lip gloss on Ran's lips, and it's probably morbid that Sera wants to kiss her – even after that murder.

* * *

Sera will _not_ steal a kiss from a sleeping girl. She will _not stoop that low._

* * *

They pick flowers from the meadows on their way from the hotel. Ran has bits of petals stuck to her hair, and Sera doesn't tell her because she looks really adorable.

They stop by a gas station, and Ran alights to call someone. With relief, Sera hears Sonoko's noisy chatter. They're talking about something, and really, Ran shouldn't be raising her voice like that even if the signal is really bad; Sera's not sure her impulsive ego can take another restraining order after last night's tempting warmth.

"-I think we'll be coming home soon-" is all Sera catches before she starts humming quite loudly.

* * *

Sera's always been one to sweep unfortunate individuals into her thunderstorms.

But all storms have to come to an end, and Ran has somewhere for her to go home to, so.

(Sera forces a smile and hums a pitch too high the entire ride after that.)

* * *

"SERA MASUMI," Sonoko hollers at her through the phone. God, that woman is _loud_.

"Yes, yes, princess?"

"Don't 'princess' me, okay!" and then, slightly appeased, "So?"

"So?"

"What are you planning on doing?" Sonoko clears her throat. "With Ran, I mean. With this whole… eloping."

"We're not eloping," Sera hisses. "We're… on a road trip."

"Suuuuuure," Sonoko chimes. "Look, it's midnight, and I'm sacrificing my beauty sleep to call you at a time where Ran will be snoozing like a baby. You can be honest with me."

Sera tries a different tactic, "Yeah, well, some people _really_ need their beauty sleep."

"Tch, be serious here." It doesn't work. Shocker.

"I'm- we'll go home soon enough, okay?" Sera bites back, Ran's words fresh in her mind. "I'll take her home."

Sonoko is silent for a bit, and Sera wants to hang up so badly until she hears - "No."

"No?"

"No," Sonoko says. "You don't _have to_ come back now."

"What do you-" there's absolutely no way Sonoko's going to let her off the hook so easily.

Sonoko cuts in irritably, "I! Mean! No!" she pauses, and Sera thinks it best to stay docile and silent.

It works, because Sonoko huffs again in annoyance, and mutters a string of curses under her breath (too low for Sera to catch, shockingly) before resuming her usual pompous manner of speech, "Ran seems happy. She might say things like wanting to go home and worrying about that brat and her father, but.

"Well, anyway, she's been out with you for five days, and nothing except a murder has happened, so it's clear Ran's enjoying herself. You should ask her, though. I mean- I don't think I'm in a position to say anything, but you have to take care of her. Really! If not, I'll come after you myself and-"

Sera chuckles nervously, "You make it sound as if I'm courting Ran."

There is a moment of silence that Sera has no idea how to interpret. Ran shuffles in her sleep again, beside Sera. For some reason, that motion inspires a hint of guilt in Sera's chest; she's talking to Ran's best friend about her, after all.

"Well, Ran's always been a girl that girls like," is Sonoko's easy answer.

* * *

 _That, and you like girls,_ is left unsaid, but Sera hears it loud and clear anyway.

* * *

When Sera wakes Ran up, they enter the Town of Wood. It's just like Sera remembers- peaceful, dimmed, and endearingly mysterious. Somehow, she feels a little apprehensive showing Ran this place – it's important to her, and she wants/doesn't want Ran to know that.

But Ran lets her take her hand after they sprint down the roads, and Sera realises she doesn't regret any of this; chest hot, hands warm and soft and everything is alright.

Ran smiles at her, "This place is beautiful."

"It is," Sera agrees. "My elder brother brought me here."

Ran doesn't miss a beat. "When?"

"When I was really young, we'd walk through this town, and he'd tell me stories about the streets. Like that lantern over there? Yeah, that one- behind the white roof, yeah. That's the kind of lanterns the _hikeshibaba_ would blow out all the time. And if you were careful, you'd be able to see it- when they suddenly go out, and there's a white wisp of something just drifting off."

Ran's still looking over at her when she says that, so Sera continues, "Yeah, and if you lit it again- fast enough, the _hikeshibaba_ would blow it out, and then stay in the lantern till dawn to make sure nothing else happened."

Ran nods, "I've heard of that."

"He tweaked it though."

"They do it all the time anyway," and then, squeezing Sera's hand, "tell me more."

* * *

When dawn arrives, they visit a shrine. Sera makes a wish, and watches Ran make hers.

* * *

Sera'd wished they never stop going.

(She thinks Ran might have hoped for the same.)

* * *

Reviews will be greatly appreciated!


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